Friday, September 05, 2008

Just to Check In

My apologies for the long unexplained absence. I did not intend to be gone for this long. Our lives have been upside down for awhile now, and this space was the last thing on my mind.

First you should know that the kids are amazing. Jack is 1 now and he is so healthy and full of life, you would never know how sick he was just a year ago. Michael started school a few weeks back and he loves every bit of it- the child was made to be in an academic setting!

And now for the part you really came here for- the short(er) version:

Matt and I separated for awhile, pending changes on both sides. I made them, he did not. So I un-made them, and THEN he decided he was really serious about recommitting to the relationship. If only he had been the first time he "recommitted"- you know, we had that ceremony and all that . . . but at that point I didn't want to re-make the changes, so he's declared that he's "waiting" on me.

He has been living at home with us for a few weeks now, but we're not living together. It's a side-by-side deal. The house is, in fact, big enough for the two of us, and any communication between us pretty much has to do with either the kids or the house.

He's been an excellent roommate, doing his share of the dishes and cleaning, and taking care of the things around the house that he never would do before. He is also working less, and taking care of the kids a bit more. A large part of me says too little too late. However, there's always that little bit. I have been speaking with a lawyer, but I cannot manage to go forward with a divorce yet. I just can't make the step. I suppose there is a silly little bit of me hoping he'll finally do all the things he's promised for ages now.

I have no idea what will happen next. I'm stuck right now, waiting for a sign to move forward, or step back. Maybe waiting to see if he really changes this time, most likely waiting to see how foolish I am.