You two are deservedly exhausted right now. Sometimes all you can do is retreat
to your separate corners and heal a bit, lick wounds before you are able to come
together again. The little stuff is the hardest stuff isn't it? It wears you
down. I was not prepared for marriage and motherhood and how hard it was. When
my H had hid A I was at the pinnacle of feeling like it was drudgery (even tho I
was crazy for my child) and I felt like I was slogging thru the mud every day. I
think he did too and found a way out in fantasy- a choice I like to think I
wouldn't have made. Hang in there and just see what happens- stop working so
hard to be perfect and connected- just be for awhile. If you both can just
commit to staying out of other relationships that might be enuf right now?
Wow, did that comment speak to me. Thank you very much for it.
I brought this up to Matt, and he was tremendously relieved. We're both tired of working hard at this-- it's all we've been doing for the last year, and we need a break. So our break has had the following rules: Spend time together or apart as we want to, no expectations on Matt sleeping in our room or not, no relationship talk (including separation), no seeing other people.
We've been on our "break" for a week, and Matt has come home at a decent hour almost every night since, and has asked me to watch movies or spend time with him a few evenings. He's slept in our bed with me every night but the first. Last night he asked what he could do to help me get my work life back on track.
Was I putting that much pressure on him-- on us? Apparently so and I didn't see it. I feel like an idiot. I feel like I never know how to deal with things anymore. This is just another example.
Akakarma? You may have saved us for now.