New Rings & Stress

Matt and I got new rings this week. We've been talking in counseling about what we need from this ceremony to really feel closure and for me it is new rings. I'm not a big jewelry girl. I'm home most of the time between work and kids, therefore no one to show off to. But I want a new symbol. I haven't worn my original rings much since everything happened. I've gone through periods of wearing them and then not, but now I want to wear rings to symbolize my marriage, but not the old ones. I don't even really know why that's so important to me. I'm supposed to think about that this week so that we can talk about it next session.

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I'm trying to re-learn how to cope with stress. I've dealt with it in a multitude of unhealthy ways in my life. I was anorexic as a teenager, I drank stress away as a college student, after I got out of college and became a responsible adult (you know-- with a real job and a marriage and a mortgage) I started pretending it wasn't there for the longest time and then I'd be super stressed out for the short time I had to actually attend to the problem/test/situation and then it would be over-- like super compressing the stress into a few fun-filled hours instead of stringing it over several days. Since the affair I can't sleep when I'm stressed. I used to be able to tell myself that I'd deal with it in the morning. Now I worry that if I look the other way for even a second that I'll be missing a vital clue to something big.

So I don't sleep. The boys have both been really sick and I've actually got Jack sleeping in our room the last two nights because I'm so nervous about his respiratory stuff. I think Matt is starting to get it too. He's trying not to let it show, but it's hard to hide a cough.

I'm stressing mostly about work. This time of year is all about what you can offer that is new and exciting for the client, and I'm worried about to being able to keep up this time around. It only takes one season of being "off" to kick you out of the business and getting back in means completely recreating yourself. I've been trying to put as much extra time as I can into the business without sacrificing the boys or Matt too much. I think we've actually come up with a decent compromise. Matt needs to work late 1 night a week for about the next month and then he's going to take care of the boys 1 full evening for me so that I can work in a solid block that night. He's already giving me two nice chunks of time on weekends, so between those 3 times I think I'll feel more confident about getting things accomplished. We've talked about finding someone to come to our home part time next fall when Michael starts school... maybe we'll move that up a bit and see how it works out. I don't know-- childcare is just another of many mild stressors in my life right now.

How do you manage stress? I can't seem to manage a healthy response. I'm trying to be better about it, but it's just not working yet.