Anger

Been awhile I know.

I'm having a lot of problems this pregnancy, just like I thought I would, but I've finally hit the stage where I at least have a little bit of energy and some of the early issues are resolving, thank goodness.

As far as where WS and I stand, we're doing a really good job being parents together, and we're doing a good job being friends. We spend time together watching tv and talking about trivial things, and as long as we only talk about relationship and affair-related things in our counseling sessions, we aren't fighting. I think that this is how it has to be for awhile. I have to keep the intimate/marriage relationship distanced for a little while so that I can process the stuff related to the affair.

I've worked past the hurt and humiliated part. Now I'm angry beyond belief. And the bad thing is that it's spilling over into regular life. I'm really mad while I drive. I get really upset about news stories and client issues that wouldn't have flustered me before I hit this angry streak. (not in front of clients obviously). My nature is not angry. I'm really laid-back, I don't get in anyone's way, I actually bend over backwards to be *sure* I'm not getting in anyone's way. And since anger has not ever really been part of my life, I'm not really sure how to deal with this. Our counselor suggested some visualization and relaxation stuff, but those things both leave me feeling kind of hokey and not really any less angry than I was before.

So I'm angry, and *REALLY* want to get back at OW. I won't-- I know that that would be a very stupid step for me to take. And still, I'm incredibly angry.