Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Changing

Well, he's keeping up. Tonight and tomorrow he has to work late and we won't really get to see each other. That has always thrown us off when we've been doing well together, so we'll see what happens. I'm trying to be careful about this. I don't want to invest back too much at once. I want to give it time in case it whips around and bites my ass.

I've also been thinking about a slight career change-- specificallly something where I can schedule more around my husband's and kid's schedules. Right now I do work for myself, and there's a lot going there, but I'm so tired of doing so much hand-holding for my clients. Maybe it's because I'm so emotionally drained myself, but I think I'm getting burned out on this, and it's not the kind of work where one can be a little burned out and still do good work. Maybe a slight change in direction. I don't know yet, but I'm working on things. Plus there's this whole "doing what I love" thing that I'm missing. I like my job or I wouldn't have been in the business as long as I have been, but I have a clear view of what I really love to do, and I want to take a shot at it. I just have to figure out if it's even possible to try right now.

Is that even on the radar for anyone else? Or is the idea of doing what you love a crazy thing? Unrealistic? Just plain stupid? Some days I feel like a maniac considering my options. This would definitely be a leap of faith. I think I need to wait until I have a little more sturdy ground with WS before I jump. Sturdy as in either, we're doing very well and he's continued doing his part or sturdy as in we're going our separate ways-- either way, I know what's going on in the relationship to a greater extent than I have in a long time.

Or maybe it is just the stupid. I don't know. I'm freakishly optimistic right now. I guess I have let a little of that damn hope in.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just lurking...Had to comment. You need to stay optimistic. It is a good thing to want better.

NaiveNoMore said...

I do want to stay optimistic. I'm at the place where I want things to be better for me whether my husband ultimately stays or goes, and if a change at work makes that happen, I need to do it. Now I jsut have to get my courage together to actually take the leap...