Jack (the new baby) is having a procedure done today. We're waiting. He's only been in for a little while but we have a long time more to wait until someone comes to talk to us about it. We've both been emailing and calling friends and family to let everyone know what is happening right now. I'm trying to keep busy. Busy is what I'm good at; waiting is where I suck.
The bad thing about the last year of my life has been that most of it I've spent waiting. Waiting for Matt to get his head out of his ass and figure out what he wanted, waiting to find the right meds for him, waiting for something to click in our multitudes of counseling sessions, waiting for my heart to feel something for him again, waiting for something in our lives to go right for once...
And here we are waiting again. Only this time not for us. We've been salvaged, even if there are still many pieces to mend. No, this time we're waiting for our son.
In the midst of all the worries specific to Jack, somewhere in the back of my mind the old fear has risen up-- what if this is the thing that separates me and Matt again? What if this is the thing that pushes us apart? Our natural tendencies are to withdraw from each other and look to ourselves for strength rather than each other. It has been incredibly hard, but we're trying to look to each other for help. Matt finally broke down last night and admitted that he couldn't carry all this alone.
I needed him to say that to me. I need him to need me in things like this.
3 comments:
He needs you and counts on you and you are a loyal person who has been there for him. You are the one for him and it sure seems like he's figured that out with just a short detour along the way. Hope all goes well with the procedure.
What an amazing thing for him to do. You grab hold of that and encourage it.
I fully understand the waiting...the head out of the ass, the clicking in the counseling session and the feeling from the heart.
Right now you two need to be there for each other. Lean on each other and ride this one through together. Most importantly both of you need to talk about EVERYTHING that it is that you are feeling. If you need him then tell him. Don't leave anything unsaid for the other to speculate upon.
Hoping baby Jack is doing well and getting stronger day by day.
(((((HUGS)))))
PS Thanks so much for keep us updated. Right now we know and understand your priorities are elsewhere, but if blogging helps you then we will gladly read!
Just checking in to let you know that I am still thinking of you and your family.
I hope you and Jack are recovering and things are looking up for you.
Sending you HUGS once more.
Post a Comment