Future Things

I suppose we might be alright now. I'm taking one thing as a major sign. Matt keeps talking about future things.

He has two vacations planned-- a family vacation for the 4 of us, and a get-away for just us.

It wasn't very long ago that I would have thought him to be awfully bold thinking like that. I might have even said, "who even knows if there will be an *us* next year to go on a vacation?" I don't say that to him, but I still think it. I'm trying not to and I'm trying to be enthusiastic about the fact that he is planning for us.

I feel like I've aged 20 years in the last year and a half. Every bit of my day is spent planning and organizing and worrying over the mundane things of every day life. If I don't do it no one will, and it must be done... I wish I was able to stretch myself creatively again-- not for a client-- just for myself...

In a way I wish I could go back to who I was before finding out about Matt's affair. I miss my fun creative self. I don't really wish it though-- I never want to be that naive again.