Restored Faith

In the last week I've been really wondering whether or not I still belonged here in this relationship. I went so far as to start working out money things if I would be a single mom to 2 kids, and starting to look at what sort of place I could afford to live.

Then Friday afternoon, my husband left a note for me when I went to pick up my son. It said that my mom would be taking care of our son for the night, and for me to leave him at her house then head home as planned and read the note in my bathroom. From there was a short series of notes leading to my husband standing in the dining room with roses and dressed in his suit. We ate a dinner my husband had cooked for us (my very favorite), had some sparkling grape juice, danced in our dim living room, and had the most romantic passionate evening we've had since-- I don't know-- our first anniversary, maybe? I know he went all out for that, but I can't remember anything quite this big since.

And it wasn't just about the romance of the evening, because anyone can go out and get roses and whip up some pasta. No-- this was about sincerity. He had written me a long letter, like the letters we exchanged when we were dating, and in it was all the things that I needed to hear from him-- none of the cliched "I was so wrong, how can you ever forgive me" things, but his own real words. I can't explain it without too much detail, but it was the most perfect thing. And the words he spoke, and the look in his eyes.... for the first time I felt like he was really sorry, and not just sorry that he was caught.

And through the weekend he was completely different in the way he spoke to me and cared for me and did things for our son. He was a different man. I'll admit that I'm still a little wary of the change, and I will be waiting to see if this sticks, but I'm finding myself hoping that it does, when a week ago I would have given us no hope at all.