So That Baby Thing...

Not exactly good timing, no doubt. Never something I or WS would have chosen at this particular time in our lives. Whether you think it's a brilliant thing or not it's just how it is, and it's part of the story of how everything is happening. We weren't being irresponsible-- we were using two forms of birth control, and I was supposedly never able to conceive without major medical intervention-- after all, that's what it took to have our son, and our doctor told us we should count our blessings that we managed to conceive him. He also told us our chances of conceiving another child were incredibly low, and that the money would be better spent pursuing adoption.

We never once thought of terminating. I could easily blame it on religious upbringing or some sense of morality, but it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with this being my child. I want this child so much and even though the thought of having 2 kids sometimes makes me nervous, I know that once this one is born we'll adjust and manage and be fine. It is simply my choice to make, and no one elses. You can think what you want, but in the end it comes down to me and my husband to make the decision.

WS and I are working on things. We are both working hard, and while we had that brief lapse on his meds, we're doing really well. We've been talking about the little things happening between us-- the little upsets that couples have instead of letting the problems grow between us, and often it's WS that is the one reminding me of what we need to do to work through stuff. We haven't argued just to argue in ages, but we aren't living our lives side by side anymore either. We're both actually taking care of our relationship and have been for awhile now. Issues are being dealt with in a healthy way and I no longer feel unheard in our relationship. Counseling has been tremendously helpful and our counselor has actually said that after a few more sessions he thinks he'll be through with us.

Yes, adding an infant to the mix will change the dynamic in the household. But we've done infancy before, and we have a good idea of how it works this time (exhaustion, feedings, etc.). We also know ourselves and our relationship better, and I believe that we will be able to take care of each other this time around.

This pregnancy has been so different than my first regarding the relationship with my husband. He's been involved and understanding; he has really taken care of me this time around. I believe that will carry over after the baby is born. And if it doesn't, I know how to actually work things out with him this time around.

That gives me a lot of hope.