It seems like this life provides us with too many and too few choices. Sorry to be quizzical- I'm in a mood.
We're heading into another anniversary. The actual date is still about 2 months away, but I can't get it out of my head. I keep dreaming about things related to it, it pops up in my thoughts during the day, it seems to be everpresent. It got bad enough that I woke up in the middle of the night last night and did stupid googling of Jessica's usernames and all that. It has almost been 2 years, but I'm apparently still not above this. When I finally got back to sleep I dreamed about hunting her down at her job and having it out with her-- no violence, but boy did I give her a tongue-lashing. I'm so passive agressive it's ridiculous! I couldn't even beat the girl up in my dream...
It's times like this that I wonder if I made the right choice to stay with Matt. Most of the time I think yes. We've made so much forward progress, and we've been genuinely getting along so well that I hope desperately that we continue to improve and grow together. But sometimes I still have that "no" in my mind. Am I still going to be stressed and worried over these anniversaries years from now? Is this seriously going to hang in the back of my mind for the rest of my marriage?
This is year 2. It should get better after awhile, yes? So what is it- 5 years? 10 years? Never? I'm trying to be realistic, as always.