Daily Living

On the daily side of things, life is generally the same.

And I hate it.

There's been this big life-changing event in my life, and still daily living is the same. I go to work, come home, greet the sitter, play with my son for a short while, then work until dinner, enjoy the evening with my son, put him to bed just as WS is getting home, and then WS and I sit in front of the t.v. or the computers until bed. Then we get up and do it all again. We don't have real conversations, we don't have romance, we don't have anything different than the situation that led us to this place. What makes it worse is that when I bring it up WS will agree with me that we need to be doing more of those things and that it really would help, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't want to actually make the change. And there's part of me that doesn't want to do it either. After I get the kid into bed, I'm exhausted. My brain is jello and I feel like I don't have anything intelligent to contribute. I spend all day being intelligent and witty and diplomatic, and honestly I'm just wiped out by the time 8 p.m. rolls around.

Weekends have been better since the affair though. We both cut back our work schedules to the point that we can still afford things but we actually spend the day as a family on Saturdays. It used to be that WS worked most of Saturday but took Mondays off, and I worked Mondays but took Saturdays off. Sundays are dedicated to seeing my family or his depending on the week.

I wish there were more changes that would happen. I wish WS would take the time to be romantic with me, even if it's just on the weekends. And I know I need to be more firm about not working on the computer after 8 and making our together time actual together time.

The thing that just makes me seeth with anger is that the Other Woman (OW) suffers no consequences. She didn't have a boyfriend or husband to cheat on. She did get her feelings hurt when WS chose his family over her, but that's about it. She doesn't have to spend the next year or 2 or 10 worrying that her life partner might actually be hooking up with someone else, or that each little time that a shopping trip takes 15 minutes extra that he's hiding out talking on the phone to another woman. She doesn't have to spend the next few years going through individual counseling and marriage counseling just hoping that she'll feel something again for the man she's married to.

No- she gets to go back to her daily life, same as before while I go back to mine under the incredible added strain of a broken relationship.