Perception

One of the most important things to WS is for everyone to think of him as the best and brightest. He’s not overly obnoxious about it—not in a “guy you love to hate” kind of way—but he gives off an air of infallibility that really gets to me.

When we were dating this seemed like a perfect thing. I'm very non-decisive about things that don't really matter like whether to have hamburgers or pasta for dinner. Having to make those decisions actually annoys me because there are so many other things in my life that suck the energy out of me. So when WS came along and actually chose those things for me, it was wonderful.

It was about 2 years into our marriage that this started to bother me. I still don't care that he chooses which restaurant we go to 99% of the time, but what bothers me is that sometimes he decides that he needs to "teach" me how to be decisive, and then proceeds to try to bully me into choosing what specific kind of paper towels to buy or some other equally unimportant thing. My thought on the matter is that I have to make important decisions all day long, and when I'm home from work, the only important thing I want to have to think about is any serious stuff that might come up with my son.

This bothers WS to no end because of the impression he says it gives his coworkers, friends, etc. that I am some kind of humble housewife. (HAHAHAHA!) Apparently I'm not close enough to the end of the spectrum labeled Trophy Wife.

Now, I could care less what he thinks about the impression I give. I dress up, take care of my body and lovingly support him at all those alcohol-laden work functions. I don't drink a ton and I don't brag about my latest big projects to people I don't know, and supposedly that is all it takes to get dumped into the "Humble Housewife" bin. This little on-going quarrel between us has never really bothered me before, but the reason I've been thinking about it a lot lately is that in counseling the other night, our counselor asked WS why he chose to stay with me rather than pursuing his girlfriend further. WS's answer was that divorcing his wife for another woman would leave a mark on his character that would affect his career and friendships. No mention that he stayed because he loves me or even a mention of staying for the wellbeing of our son. Just that he wanted his "character" to be intact.

Because the actual having of the affair doesn't say loads about one's character, you know.

When I asked him to clarify, he realized that he had really stepped in it, and tried to backpedal with a "Well, I know that I love you now. I was just really confused then, and that's just what went through my mind about why I should stay..."

So what I took away from last session is that he will sacrifice just about anything if it will make him look better to the outside world. And this is the man in whom I'm supposed to place my trust.