Last night WS kind of cornered me and told me I needed to tell him what was going on. I've been kind of mopey lately, I know, but there's been a ton going on at work, and our son is going through some teething and a growth spurt that has made him a total crank to hang out with. I'm just plain tired, and any thought I put into our relationship just makes me that much more depressed.
Anyway, he was really pushing on me to talk even though I told him I didn't want to talk, but he kept pushing so I told him that I'm very unhappy in our relationship. I think we've reverted to exactly where we were before the affair. Once our kid is asleep we turn on the t.v. and veg until bedtime. There's no real talking (unless you count arguing) and no romance. Not even little tiny things. It's not like we hold hands or even sit close to each other while we watch t.v. I swear there's a damn line down the middle of the couch or bed to keep us from invading the other's space.
I told him that I'm terrified because I see that we're where we were pre-affair, and that really triggers me. Some little things have improved like he usually lays with me as we're falling asleep, and he's trying to remember to kiss me and say hello when he comes home from work instead of launching into how his work day was crap or how the house is a disaster. Those things really are helpful for me, but at some point I want to stop living like roomates with my own husband! We make the big parenting decisions together, we generally co-exist well, and as long as we ignore the fact that there is supposed to be something more to our relationship, we are splendid.
It sucks.
When I brought up the romance factor, he shot back that I don't do anything romantic for him either. Why the hell would I set up candles and roses and wear lingerie for a man that would come home, see all that and say, "that's really nice, hon, but I'd really just like to watch the end of the game and relax before bed. Rain check?"
And I'm not making that up. It's happened before in our marriage. A few times, actually. I've given up, and rightfully so I think. I am too fragile to handle the rejection right now.
5 comments:
Just dropped in, seeing how you linked to me. Thanks for the link.
Your story sounds very familiar. Today's encouraging tip? You aren't that far removed from D-day yet, so try to keep your expectations in check. I know it took me a long time to get to a place where I operate on a pretty even keel, no matter what my spouse does.
I can relate to your feelings of giving up. I was in the exact same position pre affair.
I also know how difficult it is to give when you have nothing to give. You feel owed and do not feel as though you should give anything to your husband after he hurt you.
We are in exactly the same position. I found out about the affair at the same time you found out about your husband's.
Feel free to email me if you like. There is an email link on my blog.
This post is the first I've read on this site.
I completely agree with that damn line. I hate it!
Anyways I plan to read more of your blog, and hope it turns out well for you.
Mike
This spring was clearly the time that every man in the world (or so it seems) chose to forget their brain and stray.
There is a resounding theme at all of our blogs. I hope this really does help all of us and that we all end up happy.
Hanf in there. You are not alone by any means!!!!!!
Thank you all for the comments. This has been such a "one day at a time" thing that it's hard to see the big picture. I'd enjoy any thoughts you have to offer on future posts.
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