Saturday, October 14, 2006

Bad Timing

This has been a really bad day. It started with my son being up all night sick, then having to call my mom early to see if she could watch him while I worked or if I would have to take the day off. I ended up working only a half day until my son’s doctor appointment, and it’s strep. AGAIN.

WS called right as I was trying to get my son in the door after the doctor, and I told him I’d call him back after I got the kid down for his nap. I wrestled medicine into my son and got him down to sleep. I called WS back, and he had just been calling to see if it was okay for him to go out with some guys after work. I know the guys he works with, and I was comfortable with that, but I was so tired after being up with my son all night and then working and then getting through the doctor stuff. I asked if he’d either skip it this time and come home, or if he’d make it quick and be home by seven to help me with our son. He didn’t really say much over the phone, but I could tell he was upset.

WS came home at the usual time and kind of stomped around and threw his tie, keys and wallet in a pile on the couch before asking me why the laundry wasn’t put away yet. Did it matter that I had made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, changed the sheets on the bed, and taken care of the kid’s daycare bag in between taking care of the sick child? No. It mattered that I hadn’t yet put the laundry away. I told him to back off—I was tired, and it had been a crappy day already.

He held it together long enough to get through dinner and entertain our son until an early bedtime. As soon as I put the boy to bed, though, the floodgates broke.

His side was all “I just wanted some time to hang out with the guys and have a drink” and my side was all, “I’m falling apart I’m so tired and I need some help.”

I can understand his side. I really can. He has done a stellar job of coming home as expected and most of the time chooses to spend time with me and our son over spending time with his buddies. It really would have been okay by me for him to go out tonight if only our kid wasn’t so sick and I wasn’t so overwhelmed.

I told him that this was an example of me actually admitting that I needed him for once, and if I’ve humbled myself enough to ask for the help I do, in fact, actually need it. Pretty darn bad too, or else I wouldn’t have asked. It was just bad timing as far as what I needed from him and what he needed. The good thing about the whole issue is that we were actually able to handle this with some semblance of maturity. There was little yelling, and we were both actually listening to each other’s sides instead of putting up the defensive shields. This is a good sign for us.

We settled the issue and we were watching some show on t.v., and wouldn’t you know it involves a husband carrying on an affair that his wife discovers and the aftermath of everything. When there was the first hint that that was the topic I wanted to ask WS to just turn it off or switch to something else, but I didn’t. I kept rationalizing in my mind that I should be able to handle stuff like that and that it wasn’t fair to WS if I made him switch to something else. So we ended up watching the whole episode, and I am still triggering a few hours later. Why didn’t I just ask him to change it? Now that I think about it I really don’t think he would have minded. He might have been uncomfortable with it too. I have got to stop pushing myself down and do these little things to help myself. How hard is it to ask to have a channel changed?

1 comment:

kissmekate said...

(((HUGS)))

You must be exhausted! It is so darn tiring having an ill child, but with everyhting else on your plate I am amazed you held it together like you did.

One of the problems that my husband and I have relates to things that we used to say pre affair. They may have been tongue in cheek comments relating to having sex with someone else, and now it does not seem appropriate at all.

It must have been tough with the television program, but did wither of you get anything at all out of it?