Recurrence

One of the recurring issues in our relationship is that I feel that things that are important to me are downplayed, and things that are important to my husband are lifted onto a pedestal.

One of the prime examples of this is sports. WS is a sports nut. I don't think there's a single professional or college sport that he doesn't watch. I swear if something cataclysmic happened and the only sports related thing on t.v. was pro bowling he'd be watching, riveted as if it were the world series.

Usually this isn't a problem. I've gotten used to it. If there's a game on he's going to be watching it, and often times the first thing he does when stepping in the door is turning the t.v. or radio to whatever game is on at the moment. I've given up trying to get his attention while sports are on, because at best what I request is only half-heard, and at worst it's totally ignored.

The part that bothers me about it, is that a few weeks ago as we were discussing a party we were going to be having, I told him it was very important to me to not have the t.v. on during the party. He acted appalled that I would even suggest that he would do such a rude thing, but I specifically said that no matter what game was on, we were not going to be watching it during the party- that's what we have Tivo for.

So this weekend came, and we had our party Saturday evening. He had the t.v. on all day on football games while we did party prep. He was generally helpful (even if I did have to ask him to set up the chairs six times...) and when I asked him to turn the t.v. off about an hour before the party, he did. He kept our son entertained while I finished the last of the food prep, and guests started to arrive. What did he do 5 minutes after the first guest arrived? Turned the damn t.v. on to a baseball game! I pulled him into the kitchen and asked him to please turn it off, and he said, "Well, it's just on in the background and I'll have it on mute the whole time." I told him I was going to unplug it if he didn't turn it off right now. I reminded him that we'd discussed this a few times (including this morning) and that it was *very* important to me that he choose not to have it on. He told me it wasn't that big a deal, and proceded to go talk with guests and leave the t.v. on. After about 10 minutes of him casting little glances at me, I did what I had promised and turned off the t.v. and unplugged it. Nothing was said, and I really don't think that anyone noticed.

Later in the evening (After everyone was gone and Kid was in bed) he yelled at me for making a scene over the t.v. I asked him again why it had to be on, especially when I made a very specific request that it not be on, and told him that it was important to me that he not watch sports during an even that was important to me. He repeated again that having the t.v. on for the game wasn't a big deal to anyone but me and that it was fine for him to do it.

I swear it's crap like this that makes me want to just abandon the relationship. His biggest complaint is that I'm not clear with him on what I want from him, and I made very sure to be clear with him that this was something that was very important to me and STILL it gets pushed to the side. At least I know what I'm going to suggest for this week's counseling topic.