The Ring Thing

Do you wear your rings since you found out about the affair?


I took them off for the period of time right after I found out until he committed to staying, and then I put them back on with enormous relief. When the anger phase hit about a month later I took them off for a long time. When I found out I was pregnant and got over the shock I put them back on for about a week, but then I couldn't do it emotionally and I took them back off half-heartedly blaming it on swelling hands (which is true at this point, but not when I first took them off) and I've been ringless ever since.


Matt wants to buy me a simple band that fits for right now until the swelling and stuff does go away-- something to wear for while I'm in this last stage of pregnancy (aka whale status) and in the few weeks after before my hands get back to normal. It's only the second comment he's ever made about me not wearing my rings. (The original comment was back when I first took them off. I think he noticed right away, but he didn't say anything for about a week. Then he asked why I didn't wear them, and I simply told him I couldn't and left it at that. He was very sad about it, but hasn't bothered me about it since.)


I told him I really had to think about it. It felt at first like the few times he's asked if I would be willing to renew our vows, and every time he's asked I've felt physically ill, and worse the more I thought about. This time with the ring thing, I've been thinking about it for a few days, and it makes me feel a little hopeful. He's been really open about how important this is to him, and in a way it's the most vulnerable he's been in a little while. And I don't feel sick thinking about letting him put on another ring. So this is what I think I'm going to tell him:


I'll do the simple band, but I don't want anything expensive. And I'll use this as a first step toward the possibility of renewing our vows (with no promises). I know he would like to renew next year on our aniversary (7 years) and I want to let him know that I'm honestly thinking about it, but not making guarantees. I don't want to completely shut him down, when I haven't shut the idea completely out of my mind yet. There's still a tiny piece of me that wants that romantic sweep-me-off-my-feet-again moment, but it's just a sliver.

I wrote this post a few days ago and let it sit to see if there was anything I wanted to add. Since then Matt and I have talked about this and my fears connected with the rings. We both have a new plain inexpensive band with the intention of buying really nice good bands if/when we renew vows. I hope to get to that point one day, but I've made him no guarantees that it will be at next year's anniversary like he hopes. But I haven't ruled it out.

We're exchanging our bands tomorrow night.